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Monday, June 27, 2016

Welcome to Rodswords.

Over fifty years ago Rod was born, Rodney.  I don’t believe that is too confusing. It’s not near as confusing as John being nicknamed Jack.  After checking the internet my parents found no other Rodneys. Since then there have been other Rodneys adding to the global community.  

I was named Rodney so I wouldn’t be confused with my father, Ronnie. Guess what I was called growing up?  Ron, yep, for most of my life. I also answer to Rob and Hey-you. I think I have some kind of lisp because whenever I tell someone, “My name is Rod,” I get an odd look and a query, “Ron?” “Rob?” “No, Rod,” I respond, “fishing rod, or hot rod.” At that point they smile, “Oh, hot rod.” For some reason people find it amusing that the little memory que for me is hot rod. I try to help people out. I point to my red hair and beard, “Red—Rod.” “Nope, hot rod, I’ll remember that.” For some reason I think they remember me not because I’m hot, but because it is such a contrast.  It would be like calling Simon Cowell, Kind Simon.

My not being named after my father, but named closely, should not cause any consternation to those who know my family. I was born in Columbus, Ohio. My father married his southern bride and moved her to the cold Midwest. Mom is from Birmingham, Alabama, where we now all live as a happy extended family. Dad’s work announced that he would have to transfer to a different location. I don’t remember to where, besides I was a newborn. However, it is obvious that he and Mom didn’t want to transfer there, because he quit the job, and did something that makes no sense for those who don’t want to move—he enlisted in the US Navy. And that began our hopscotch life. 

Please be aware that everyone knows that Rod is not very funny, nor very witty. However, neither is the rest of the world’s population, especially men over 50. Studies show that the loss of humor is directly related to the decline of testosterone in the average male. Researchers at Smith College report in a study that men become animals at puberty, and sometime after 50 they become like little boys again. “It’s a testosterone thing,” they claim.

However, studies show that the minds of older males do not decline fully if the men have been married for more than 25 years, especially if married to the same woman. Elderly men do not have to think anymore because their spouses think for them. This explains why the aging females have frequent headaches and fatigue at night; they are thinking for two. 

In aging women the energy needed to think for two is stored for when older men operate a vehicle or open their mouths. The energy reserves are stored in married women’s buttocks and hips. This explains why these enlarge after marriage. 

These are Rod’s words.

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